Fully vaccinated! And I don’t even feel Bill Gates’ microchip floating around in my body. It’s like it’s not even there! (For some odd reason I have this insatiable desire to open up an Excel spreadsheet — but other than that…)
And another desire is overwhelming me. Surely, it’s coincidental — but I have this hankerin’ to round up Hillary & Joe and together we’ll carouse around and eat some babies!
And … while I’m much too old (although I could probably [barely] still do it) I could get somebody pregnant and have a kid who’ll be born with no…
People are always coming up to me and asking, “Chuck, why are Baby Boomers so wonderful?”
How rare it is to have an infinite number of correct answers to a single question! One of my standard replies: It has to do with our alimentary intake during adolescence.
The followers of QAnon are being duped. I know the true story.
No need for clumsy, labyrinthian clues hidden in the ether. I will tell it like it is.
Q works for Deep State.
The mission of Q is to suck in all gullible morons and mystical sociopaths (GMAMS). Q does this by tossing out idiotic, laughable, old-hat conspiracy theories only GMAMS would buy into (read about it here), while keeping a detailed list of followers using Microsoft Excel, owned by Bill Gates.
When Deep State takes over, all GMAMS will be rounded up and put into mental institutions and…
I hate Donald Trump because he’s made me like people I’ve never liked: George Will, Max Boot, David Brooks, Ross Douthat, Bret Stephens, the list goes on and on.
I read this tonight:
The First Invasion of America
by David Brooks
… Aside from a few protesters and a depraved president, most of us have understood we need to suspend the old individualistic American creed. In the midst of a complex epidemiological disaster, to be anti-authority is to be ignorant. In the midst of a contagion, to act as if you are self-sufficient is just selfish …
I’m not supposed…
I didn’t know.
Ashton Applewhite, a leading activist and shaker-upper in the You’re-An-Asshole-If-You’re-Ageist world, quoted me in her book This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism.
Of course, I do know of Ms. Applewhite. I’ve heard/seen a handful of interviews with her, read articles about her, watched her Ted Talk a few years ago. On my business blog, I linked to the announcement of Ms. Applewhite being named Next Avenue’s 2016 Influencer of The Year.
Yesterday I found out (three years after the fact) that she quoted me in her book. Guess I should’ve read the book.
What she read:
Going Nutty Over Older Women’s Bodies by Chuck Nyren (Huffington Post)
What she wrote:
For years, I’ve been hearing about how old I am based on what I remember. Phonographs, rotary phones, white-out, carbon paper, air-raid drills, fizzies — the items are endless.
Now there’s a new way to categorize absolute oldness: Being a Digital Dinosaur.
I jumped on the WWW around 1995 — the Dark Ages. Not the Stone Age, but long ago enough to qualify as antediluvian. Young’uns (under 40) laugh at me when I prattle about the good ol’ days before there were mouses. They say, “Really? No mouse? Well, you just used your touchpad, right?”
I remember the web when…
I just read something dumb. Thanks to Age Sage Ronni Bennett for blogging it (and likewise realizing it was dumb):
According to the article, you’re supposed to want to be younger than you are. So if you’re in your late-sixties (like I am) I should be able to legally change my age to, say, forty-two.
But this makes zero sense to me. Not the changing your age part — but changing it so you’re younger.
How stupid is that? Even if you look pretty good for being in your…
My first ogling of internet porn came in middle middle age.
Growing up I accessed the customary channels: Playboy, French playing cards, National Geographic. You wouldn’t say I was ever obsessed, just eyes wide while thrashing in hormonal nuttiness. A normal kid.
It wasn’t long before I was more interested in the real thing. Not that it was available necessarily. Some of it was.
I don’t remember any porn in college. The real thing was available.
After college was my reintroduction to porn. I got a job as a projectionist in a small X-Rated movie theater. The films were sometimes…
I’m someone who, up until recently, lived with extreme Amazon guilt.
I buy stuff from them. After making a cursory scroll through the reviews and if I’m satisfied, one-click.
But I rarely write reviews. I know, it’s selfish.
What a pleasant surprise when I found out I’d been rewarded for my selfishness by not being selfish! No more guilt!
I bought and read this book, it was pretty good, so I forced myself to not be a self-centered slob and took the time to review it. I said nice things. I don’t remember using any naughty words. After submitting it…
“It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important.” ― Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
For years I’ve been topping my morning butter and honey toast with cinnamon. It’s a simple procedure. I crack a lid (there are two — one covering a large hole for dumping, one covering smaller holes for sprinkling — I use the latter), hold it upside down, then pat the side six times while jerking it around.
But something went wrong recently. …